Recently, while having a conversation with a dear friend, I was speculating about why someone did something, and was trying so hard to understand that which was difficult for me to fathom. I’m always analyzing what the other person did or didn’t do, and what drives a person. Perhaps many of us are like that.
She suggested that I stop wasting time speculating and start living. To focus on me. To really work on myself. And that it’s hard to do that.
But, I told her, I always want to understand the other person and try to unravel the threads.
And she responded, unravel your own threads.
Wow. Unravel your own threads. Powerful stuff.
It gave me pause and made me really think about what that means, to unravel my own threads. It means getting to know me and my wishes and thoughts and desires, not just those of the other person. And while to some people this may sound basic and simplistic, if it’s not something that you’re used to doing, this type of introspection may not come naturally.
Are you one of those people who spends more time trying to figure out what motivates someone else than what motivates you? Or what someone else is thinking or feeling? Rather than what you’re thinking and feeling?
When we put it in these terms, it becomes more apparent that when we’re doing this, not only are we not truly present in our own life experience, but we are also giving away a little (or a lot) of our power to the other person.
Rather than concerning ourselves with what the other person is feeling, thinking, doing, or saying, and trying to unravel the threads of who they are and what makes them tick, what if we asked these same questions to ourselves?
What am I feeling? What do I think about a particular matter? What makes me tick? What drives me?
My guess is that each of us would get to know ourselves a little bit better, day after day, and become a more whole individual over time. A person who knows what they want and where they’re going, and doesn’t always have to concern themselves with all of the thinking and feeling of everyone else. A more centered and secure person who knows their own heart and mind. And that’s a good thing.
So unravel your own threads. That’s really where we need to begin.