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The Power of Self Respect

self respectThere will be times in your life when you have to take the road less traveled. When you need to make a decision that even if it hurts, it’s the only option that will allow you to feel good about yourself and your choices. Knowing that even though you may be feeling sad about the outcome, there’s a part of you that feels so very empowered to know that you didn’t let yet another person walk all over you.

That is the power of self respect.

It’s not something that we all have, but it sure as hell is something that every single one of us can develop over time.

Even if all you have is a tiny seed of self respect and a tiny sliver of sunlight to nurture it, plant that seed. Water it with self love and by putting yourself first. It will begin to grow into a beautiful delicate seedling.

But like a seedling, it will need to be cared for. Nurture it by putting your needs and best interests above the whims of someone else, not in a selfish way, but in the most loving way possible. And soon that seedling will grow into a sapling, and before long it will become a tree with the strength of a giant redwood.

It is then that you will feel empowered when you have to make a tough decision. Even when it hurts.

That is the power of self respect. Go plant that seed.


14073_848746125183934_1809607389239112596_nIt’s been a while since I’ve been here. I haven’t felt inspired to write. Things weren’t happening naturally, so I laid low, and just let life kind of do its thing.

And T H E N…this weekend happened. Some background before we get to the weekend.

In December, a friend put a question out in a message if any of us would be interested in doing a Spartan Race with her. Now I had been receiving a lot of info from them on FB and researched it…and thought about doing the race…so I said I would do it with her. I signed up that day.

In January, I was sidelined for three (3) weeks with an upper respiratory infection that was on the verge of becoming pneumonia. So I was out of commission for that time. I was sleeping a lot, skipping the gym, and questioning whether or not I was going to be ready physically to do this race. I’m also not young anymore, and while many think I’m in great shape, I’m definitely not in my prime, and not quite as fit as even I think I am, but that I will always work on. Two weeks ago, I hit the gym, five (5) days a week, because I knew this race was coming up, and I couldn’t back out.

Now, if you don’t know anything about this race, I’m here to tell you, it’s intense. It’s scaling walls, climbing walls and crossing cargo nets mid-air to get to the other side of the wall in order to get down, 4.8 miles of running and hiking trails, pools of mud you have to climb out of, crawling under barbed wire, throwing spears. You get the idea.

So as Sunday approached (race day), I was getting more nervous. On Saturday, my oldest daughter had to attend an interview to attend a middle school. I was nervous for her. She was nervous, but I think I may have been more nervous. We practiced possible questions as well as nailing down her answers. At the time of the interview, we were all asked to come with her and much to my surprise, she nailed each question. I was so impressed with her poise and composure, and her compassion in some of her answers. It was a proud parenting moment.

But here’s the thing; she inspired me. She inspired me to work through all that fear, take a deep breath, and move through each question with precision and ease. She was my inspiration for getting through the Spartan Race yesterday.

I fought through my fears, I tackled every single obstacle with ease and strategy, many I was shocked I even accomplished! Some I could have finished but when I lost focus, I stumbled and had to do 30 burpees (google that if you don’t know what I’m talking about – then multiply that by 6. I probably did that many and more).

I didn’t finish with a great time, but that wasn’t important to me. It was important I looked fear in the face, tried every obstacle at least once, and then moved on…to the 30 burpees or the next obstacle. If my 12 year old daughter could do it, I HAD to do it.

It was a great weekend, for all of us. I am proud of my daughter! I’m proud of what I accomplished as well. I learned a lot about myself, tackled some fears, and realized I have really come a long way. I still have a long way to go, but I’ve come really, quite far.

So this week, look for inspiration in others, or be the inspiration that others are trying to find. Do something amazing, no matter how big or small.


What’s your story?

whats your story

We all have stories we tell ourselves and others about ourselves or about our lives. Sometimes they’re true, sometimes they’re plagues with half-truths, and sometimes they’re just outright lies.

I don’t mean that people are necessarily lying about who they are or about the context of their lives. What I mean is that we may be telling ourselves a story that is self-limiting or will create a self-fulfilling prophesy of sorts. Creating negativity in our minds.

Need some examples to ponder?

I’m always broke.

I’m never going to be happy.

I’m always going to be alone.

I’m never going to get ahead.

Nobody ever cares about me.

Get where I’m going with this? Any of those sound familiar?

If we always say these types of negative things, over and over, even if we’re just “joking,” our minds begins to believe what they hear. And we begin to internalize the stories we’re telling ourselves and eventually we begin to believe. And when we believe it, we make it happen.

But what to do?

Change your story.

But how?

First, stop yourself from spouting the simple statements that are untrue and negative. Then begin to replace them with something better, something that you won’t mind if it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Here are some good responses to the negative quotes above…

I’m working on improving my finances and responsibility with money.

I’m growing a little happier each day.

Soon I will find that special someone.

I’m working hard to make something good out of my life.

I will find caring people who love me for who I am.

Are all of these things going to magically happen today, just because you said so? Most likely not. But you will begin to change your story every day, little by little by allowing goodness to grow in your life and not expecting the worst and setting yourself up for the worst to happen.

And it doesn’t mean that you won’t have setbacks or just plain bad days when you’re feeling down in the dumps. But just because you’re on a downswing doesn’t mean that you should let the crappy talk back in. Continue to catch yourself and don’t let yourself go around telling stories. Except for the good ones. Because you deserve to tell the very best stories about yourself.

Now what’s your story?


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When anger flares

Spanish-bullfighterWe’ve all experienced anger from time to time.

But sometimes it takes us by surprise. And rarely is it considered socially acceptable to be angry, no matter how we express it.

Yet anger still happens. And each of us have different ways of expressing (or not expressing) our angry feelings.

Some of us are hot heads, who blast our anger the moment we feel it. How’s that working out for you? Well, you get it off your chest, but it’s not always productive in a relationship. In fact, it’s often very destructive and pushes people away.

Others of us let it simmer while resentment builds. Probably also not working out so well either, when we feel so much anger towards someone we can no longer even look them in the eye.

Still others offer up a delightful combo of resentment and blow up…letting the resentment and anger fester until they can no longer take it and then comes a volcanic eruption of anger completely out of left field – at least for the person on the receiving end. Also not doing wonders for your relationships, I’m guessing.

And then there are the passive aggressive types, who will just poke at you “jokingly” about issues that “don’t really bother them…no they’re just kidding” until you can no longer stand to be around them, eventually eroding at least the healthier relationships.

So what to do when anger flares? Especially when it’s directed at another person, perhaps someone we care a lot about?

Consider anger as a red flag. An indication that something is off balance in a relationship. A notification from your inner self that something needs to be looked at and addressed.

So for hotheads, rather than flying off the handle, what if you were to think about anger as an indicator that something needs to be addressed, but perhaps when you’ve cooled down a bit and can address it more rationally and less reactively?

Or if you’re a simmering type, why not think about what needs to be said and make an effort to say it with detachment and coolness, sharing your feelings so that you don’t let the resentment build over time?

And for you volcanic types, definitely think about your approach and address the matter before you get explosive.

Passive aggressive? Stop joking and poking about the things that irritate you. Find a way to express what’s really bothering you and stop pushing people away.

All new ways of doing things, but certainly much healthier for all types of anger.

Will it be easy? No, because a) it’s new territory and b) it’s never really easy to express angry feelings, especially if you’re trying to be mature and responsible. However, it will help you to feel better and will allow your relationships to grow and develop in a more healthy, meaningful way.

So next time anger flares, take a step back and think about your approach. You won’t regret it.


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Oh, the holidays

santa-kids-cryingOh, the holidays…

The holidays are upon us and everyone is cranking up the joy. Well, maybe not quite everyone.

Sometimes the holidays aren’t as easy as sitting on Santa’s lap. There are presents to buy, bills to pay, trees and homes to decorate, relatives to contend with, and for some, there’s the loneliness of spending the holidays solo.

So here’s what we’re going to do this year. Our best.

Yup, that’s it. We’re going to do our best and forgive and forget the rest.

Just get by.

Don’t try to be the most fantastical gift giver or the twinkliest decorator.

Just get by.

Have to deal with the realities of family? And the crush of certain questions?

When are you having a baby?

What? No boyfriend again this year?

Hmmm…put on a little weight?

Who just called you to wish you Happy New Year? Isn’t she married?

Why do you treat your dog like a child?

Do you actually enjoy being alone?

…just to mention a few. (Hopefully you at least chuckled a bit…)

Prepare yourself for the questions with a funny or short but sweet answer. Practice in advance if you need to. Also practice getting up from the couch immediately to go grab another drink or finger sandwich to extract yourself from the barrage of questions.

Oh dear, I think I hear the nacho cheese dip bubbling over in the fondue pot…

…and believe me, no one wants the cheese dip to go off the rails.

And if you’re lonely, well, honestly this one is a little harder. Try to make plans to be with people. Don’t just sit by yourself. Or do like I’m going to do and plan your own party. This year I’m holding the First Annual Christmas Open House for Lost Souls, Lonely Hearts, Those Far Away From Home, and Others Who are Generally Bored After the Presents are Opened. On Christmas evening.

Several people have already have given me a funny look and questioned the wisdom of having a party on Christmas — who will actually come? Won’t people be with their loved ones?

Well, yes, hopefully. And those who aren’t can swing by. Hopefully they’ll feel a little more joyful, and I know that I will too. And if three people show up, perfect. Or if 30 people show up, that’s fine too. I just want to share some joy with whomever may want or need a little.

So over the next couple of weeks, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Do your best to let yourself off the hook and have some fun.

Now go sit on Santa’s lap…

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Don’t ever change

Dont ever change 1

Remember writing in someone’s yearbook in high school? Something along the lines of “You rock! Don’t ever change!”

The perfect little quip for a yearbook.

But some people seem to have taken that phase very literally. Some people are resistant to change. They want things to always stay the same. But they never really can. Change is the only true constant in our lives, other than death.

I’m assuming that if you are reading this blog that you are not one of them. That you are someone who wants to grow and change and elevate yourself and your world.

So being an agent of change, it may be confusing when we’re dealing with someone who is so reluctant to change and grow. How is it that they don’t see how their world can improve by stretching and growing?

Well, change is scary. And people may fear being left behind. It happens. And they may fear having to face their own bullshit. And change it. All scary.

There are a lot of reasons that people want to march in place, but really none of the reasons matter. What matters is that they want to mark time and you want to move forward. Which creates a form of dissonance. And most dissonance yearns to be resolved harmoniously.

So what do you do?

March forward anyway. Be warm and loving with those who wish to stand in place, but move your life along. They won’t understand your need to change any more than you will understand their desire to stay the same. Resist their siren call of sameness and continue to expand yourself and your world and your life.

And remember…you rock! Always change!

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Be thankful for your flaws

flawsToday is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. So there’s a lot of talk of gratitude. Being thankful for family and friends, and for our health and happiness and for that of our loved ones as well. Gratitude for all of the blessings in our lives. And of course we’re all thankful for the good things in our lives, even if we forget from time to time how much good we have.

And here at Bringing Back Awesome, we are so very thankful for all of our readers and for the joy you bring into our lives.

But today let’s go in a different direction. Today, let’s be thankful for our flaws.

Our flaws are part of what makes each of us unique individuals. Part of what makes us each vulnerable and so very human. Uniquely you.

We are so often encouraged to overcome our flaws. And while there’s probably value in this, what if they’re just as much an important part of you as your more wonderful qualities? And what if we could look at the positive side of some of our lesser qualities?

Let me get the ball rolling here by sharing some of my flaws…

I tend to be impulsive, but that makes for lots of fun and spontaneity. I can also be brutally honest, sometimes putting my foot in my mouth. But the people closest to me know that they will hear the real truth, not some bullshit answer.

I tend to need a lot of what I lovingly refer to as “think time,” meaning that I like to sit around and do nothing but think. But it’s during those times that I come up with some of my most creative ideas.

Honestly, I can be a bit overly sensitive. But it’s probably the thing that makes me feel so empathetic when others are struggling or going through pain. I’m a natural-born slob, but I do my best to contain it, and my house is actually pretty orderly.

I happen to be calendar-challenged, meaning for some weird visual-spatial reason, I have trouble with dates and times. Frankly, there’s no upside to this one. But at least I can laugh at myself when I screw up my calendarizing.

Oh, and I have a very inappropriate, sometimes even dark, sense of humor. The good news is that I will make you laugh, even if you think you’re going straight to hell for it!

These are just a few. There are probably more. But they seem so much less flaw-ish when I embrace them and look at the bright side of things. Perhaps you could do the same.

So today, be grateful for the flaws that make you uniquely you, someone who is so very special.


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Believe it

truth pill

Today Stephanie St. Clair of Blissbombed asked an amazing question on her Facebook page

If you could invent something new today that would really shift how you experience the day, what would you invent?

A phenomenal question!

I thought for a few moments then came up with this…

I would invent a pill I could swallow that would flood me with feelings of patience that everything is unfolding as it should. I’d call it Believabilify.

OK, there. I just swallowed my imaginary Believabilify capsule and the placebo effect is washing over me.

Oh, if only there were such a pill.

Well, guess what?

There is such a thing.

But it takes a leap of faith, not swallowing a pill.

It’s called just believing that you are where you are meant to be and that as long as you are doing your level best and being the very best version of you, then you are where you’re supposed to be.

For some, that may be a bitter pill to swallow, but really, what good is thinking about where you thought you would be today, or where you thought you should be or could be?

Woulda, coulda, shoulda…mostly a waste of time.

You are where you are, and that is your starting point. Even if it’s not where you had hoped you would be. Just start there today.

Maybe you’re in a job you don’t love. Or in a bad relationship. Maybe you’re in no relationship at all and the dry spell is turning into a goddamned drought. Maybe you’re an emotional mess. Or a financial disaster. Or some combination of these. Or all of the above. Ugh. Just not where you’d hoped to be.

Then how in the hell could it be that we’re right where we’re supposed to be?

Well, friends, this is where you need to swallow the Believabilify and start letting it wash over you.

Because without all of the experiences that brought you to this very moment, you wouldn’t be who you are today. Without the joys and the sorrows, the big wins and the devastating losses, the heartbreaks, or your heart breaking open with love. Every single life experience that you’ve ever had – good, bad, wonderful, terrible, neutral, or boring – has crafted you into the amazing human being that you are today. The incredible individual who can dig deep and recognize that this is where you are supposed to be.

Today is the starting line for the rest of your life. Be patient with yourself and with the universe as your story continues to unfold. Sure, make your efforts to dream big and develop goals and fulfill them. But don’t just look to the future waiting for the big day that everything finally falls into place. Because every single day is a part of that evolution, and you are the most beautiful outcome of every moment of change.

So believe it. You are where you’re meant to be. Learn to love this place and every step forward that you take in your life. And then you won’t need a magical pill. You will create your own magic.

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When the well isn’t deep

wishing-wellAnother year is passing by and the holiday season is just around the corner, which means that many of us will be gathering with family and friends. Spending time with those we care about and doing our level best to make connections with them, deepen our relationships, and make the holidays have special meaning.

And yet, if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes those attempts to connect fall flat. We wonder what we’re doing wrong. We wonder what more could we do. And we also wonder if maybe that person we’re trying to connect with just doesn’t like us or love us as much as we may feel for them.

But maybe it’s none of those things. Maybe it’s not about you. Maybe the well just isn’t that deep.

What does that mean?

Perhaps the person we’re trying to connect with on a deeper level just doesn’t have that much to offer. Perhaps they like you or love you, but they’re incapable of expressing themselves in that way. Or maybe they don’t feel comfortable with those kinds of closer connections.

As we approach the holidays, here’s what we need to do. Recognize that even though we may long for that deeper connection with a person, the well just isn’t that deep, and even if it hurts, it’s really not about us. It’s about them. Them and their inability or unwillingness to dig a little deeper or feel a little more.

So rather than being hard on yourself wondering what you’re doing wrong, take a look at the other person and ask yourself if maybe the well just isn’t that deep. Then allow yourself to enjoy whatever relationship you have with them, even if it’s not the one you’d hoped for.


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Turning points


There comes a time in every person’s life when we reach a turning point. A moment in time when we can no longer continue on the path we are on. Whether it’s about a job or a relationship or finances or some other thing not covered in those categories. There’s just no way to force ourselves to continue in the way we have been existing up to this point.

That point at which we feel we’ve reached critical mass and maybe even aren’t sure how to proceed. Which direction to travel. We know that something needs to shift – in fact we may feel that something needs to shift dramatically – and yet we may not know how to unravel what really needs to change. Do we just keep hacking away at the issue, the way we always have? Probably not.

In some cases the only thing that can shift or that needs to shift may be our perspective. But how? That’s often where we struggle.

There are all kinds of platitudes we could throw at this about building our own lives, blah, blah, blah, but what does that really mean? How do we wrap our arms around a situation that’s causing us confusion? How do we gain acceptance that something needs to change? How do we turn a corner?

Ask yourself a series of questions that will help you unravel the problem and hopefully find a solution.

1. What do you want for yourself?

Either in general, or specific to the problem at hand, what do you really want? It’s important to identify this answer or series of answers.

Once you identify what you want for yourself, ask yourself this…

2. Do you have what you identified in question #1, or do you have any part of it?

Identify if this is something that you have any part of, or if you’re starting from scratch. Be honest with yourself. Sometimes when we’re feeling down or confused (or both), it’s easy to pile on and do some all or nothing thinking. Don’t slip into that trap, especially when you’re trying hard to identify your needs.

Once you’ve asked yourself questions 1 and 2, ask yourself this…

3. Are these things that I really want in my life?

Do you really want these things? As in really, really want them, at all costs, above all else?

If yes, then continue with this process.

If no, ask yourself why then did you think you wanted them? Family or peer pressure? What you think society thinks you should have/be/do? The path of least resistance? Once you identify the reason or reasons, ask yourself if you really want to live your life for those other people or things and do you want to give that much power to them, or do you really want to figure out this thing called life and live it for yourself?

4. If you haven’t been doing or pursuing the things that you really want, why not?

Do you feel worthy of these things you want? If not, why not? When you meet people who in your head meet the description of having the things that you want, do you feel they are worthy? If not, why not? If so, why are they worthy, yet you are not worthy of the same? What makes them more worthy? (Hint…it’s probably in how you’re seeing yourself, because you are worthy!)

Are you putting up a wall between yourself and these things? If so, why? Perhaps it’s time to start taking down the wall, brick by brick, because you are worthy of living your very best life and living your dreams! Or hell, forget about the brick by brick approach – just smash through the damn thing!

So now, after going through these questions, this exercise in digging a bit deeper, ask yourself again…

5. What do you want in your life that will make you happy?

What do you need to begin to focus on that makes you happy? Not your family, not your friends, not society or society’s version of who you should be…you!  Create a list. Then ask yourself do you have those things? Simple yes or no as your answers. No explanations, no beating around the bush, no weaseling out of an answer. Do you have them, yes or no?

Are your answers different than those you gave in #1? Maybe so…

So now that you have your list, and you have your answers on your list, answer this…

6. What are you going to do about it?

Are you going to take action? Please do. Don’t wait any longer. It’s your time. Turn the corner.


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